Well that was interesting!

Talk about change! I’ve never been shy about embracing change – just ask my former team mates, they’ll tell you some stories. But even I have my limits.. and if you ask my right and left hands, they’ll tell you I don’t like change at all. The secret, though, is that it isn’t the change, it is the process of change I value.

For example, in the past 6 months I have regretfully said goodbye to my favorite job so far, finished my MA degree, adopted a baby and now, because of that new family member, going back to work in a fantastic new job. That’s enough for 3 years, let alone 6 months, and yet I inevitably orchestrate this type of evolution in my life. I suspect this is not out of boredom or need to shake the tree, but because new challenges keep me motivated, help me focus; when I don’t have movement my little grey cells tend to stagnate.

The danger, though (and you knew there would be some) is that it is easy to get addicted to change for change’s sake. Companies do this all the time, mistaking agitation for forward progress. So while there is tremendous value in playing fruit basket upset once in awhile, if you find that you, your family, or your company is doing this often there is probably a deeper truth here to look at. Something having to do with a clear sense of  direction and purpose. It might be time for a deep breath, some soul searching, and to think about making the change within you, not the circumstances of your life.

Now I am going to go load the dishwasher with one hand and make toast with the other, while I rock the baby’s chair with my foot.

OMG Change!

Change. Everyone goes through it. Some people thrive on it. Others… not so much. But if there is one certain thing in this world it is that change is a constant.. and it can be either a dilemma or an opportunity, depending on your perspective. The very nature of humans means that the important things in our lives are in evolution at all times: family, friends, work, school, relationships.. they are all in motion, whether we recognize it or not. So how do we survive as the world keeps turning?

I am not a fan of change, honestly – it really pushes my buttons to have things be in flux, unless they are in flux constantly, which is in itself a form of stability, oddly enough. But as I sit here today, on my last day in a job I have loved (although sometimes been frustrated by) I have to admit that change can be pretty darn liberating, and even validating.

Since I announced my departure from Linden Lab two weeks ago I have had a flood of well wishes sent my way, some from people I didn’t even know were aware of me or the work I did. That has been immensely gratifying, and some of the things I learned I would never have known if I didn’t take the leap. Along with the personal pats, I also got a tremendous amount of validation for my next career choice, and even picked up some potential clients. Go me!

I guess the point here is that even though change can seem scary or daunting, or even just plain inconvenient, change can bring the good along with the troubling, even when it isn’t a change you have instigated yourself. The trick is in how you meet it. So go ahead and have some teeth gnashing, and a few good rants (hopefully mostly to yourself, to keep things clean ) and then leap on in to that new future with both feet. You might have to do some hopping and skipping and jumping to stay upright for awhile, but in the end you will likely be glad you did. Even if it doesn’t work out as you expect, the opportunity to learn is never wasted.

redexec summary: change, although unsettling, can be positive. just make sure you got on your comfy shoes.

Fight or flight in the modern age

When you find yourself in the shit, how are you going to react? Humans are complex creatures, and yet some times we can be boiled down to some very fundamental behaviors. Cultural anthropology teaches us that our ancestors learned to do two things when faced with (perceived) danger: we fought, or we ran.  In fact, most of the animal kingdom can be put in one of these two buckets (an eater or an eat-ee, as the situation dictates).

Depending on the situation, we as individuals will probably react in one of these two ways, and most of the time that’s probably pretty much OK. One place it may not go over well, though, is the workplace. Not much can be gained there by either of these reactions (at least not in a long term, sustainable way), so is there a third reaction that we can apply when faced with a challenging situation?

If we can school ourselves to wait, rather than react, there is another choice.  We can assist both ourselves, and the person we are interacting with, if we take this path. When faced with adversity, challenging conversations, even loss, what really counts is how we decide to behave. Do we strike back (fight) or go into denial (flee), or do we rise above the situation and take an action that we can look back on with pride? Taking a moment to pause and recognize that there is just as much going on inside the other person’s head as there is inside our own can be a powerful game changer.

Let’s use the example of  a confrontational meeting where one individual is dominating the discussion with their point of view, leaving no room for discussion or input. Your choices may seem to be limited. You can out shout them (fight) or sit in your chair silently seething (flee).  Neither one of those choices will probably get you what you (hopefully) want, a reasonable outcome everyone can live with.

So rather than take a page out of our ancestor’s books, try for a more reasoned approach.  Engage the other person without agenda, and work to find ways to be helpful and collaborative, while maintaining forward progress. Even if you don’t get to the outcome you want, you can walk away knowing that you put your best effort into a good resolution.

redexec summary? Act today in a manner that you will be proud of when you look back at it tomorrow.